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Joke of the Day

"""Mommy, why did Santa decide to deliver presents on Jesus' birthday."" Shits about to get REALLY dishonest up in here."

"How did Hitler tie his shoes? In knotsies. (The unfollow button is only a click away)"

"Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram."

"Why do athletes prefer nuns to time their laps? Because when a nun times anything it's zero. (0*n=0) :D"

"If you ever feel scared that someones watching you... Don't worry, i'm right under your bed if you need someone to talk to."

"Why wouldn't the mother take her kids to the classical music concert? Too much sax and violins."

"Some guy said I was being pithy.... turns out he had a lisp."

"Did i tell you that someone hit me over the head with a power tool the other day? Minding my own business, then next minute BOSCH."

"What is a Freudian slip? It's when you say one thing but fuck your mother"

"Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends...? Because he's married. ;_; (I'll see myself out)."