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Joke of the Day

"My autocorrect changes c**ts to China. Hey don't blame me. I'm not the racist code programmer."

"""Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road, please?"" Oh. Yea. Good thinkin'. Can't be too careful. A lot of bad drivers out there."

"The relationship between a man and a woman is psychological. She's a psycho and he's logical."

"Thoughts on my new mustache. It's growing on me."

"I can't believe how racist star wars is. Of course the only black guy never knew his father."

"Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat? Not because he was in to bestiality, you Islamophobe. He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday."

"If Donald Trump becomes the President of the United States of America... ...there will be hell toupee!"

"People laugh cause I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?"

"I have just filmed my girlfriend using her toes to wank me off. Nice bit of footage."

"Him: My voice is a little hoarse. Me: You have a pony?! Him: ... Me: ... Him: ... Me: I wish I had a pony. *pouts*"