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Joke of the Day

"If Donald Trump becomes the President of the United States of America... ...there will be hell toupee!"

"Live this day as if it is your last. And if it turns out it isn't, make a great many apologies tomorrow."

"Woke up 4 times to pee last night And each time only a little came out, my night of sleep was piss-poor"

"Did you hear about the Jewish kamikaze pilot? He crashed his plane onto his brothers scrap metal yard."

"How do you make a cat bark? Drench it with gasoline, drop a lighted match on it... Woof!"

"My questionnaire for dogs: 1. Do you like to get pet 2. Who is a good boy 3. Is it you"

"A superposition walks into a bar . . . . . . or ***did*** it???"

"I like my women like I like my X-Wing pilots... ""Almost there."""

"What do you call a child who doesn't believe in Santa? ...an eggnogstic"

"A drunk man walks into a bakery... He approaches the baker and says ""I fucked your mother!"" On which the baker replies ""Go home dad"""