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Joke of the Day

"Where do cows go on movie night? To the moooovie night."

"I broke up with my girlfriend, who was into Astrology She was an Earth sign, I was a Water sign. Together, we made mud. Credit to Rodney Dangerfield, a great...."

"Roses are red, their stems are green ... Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams."

"How to tell if you're wearing too much Axe: 1. Are you wearing Axe? No- Good. Yes- That's too much."

"I'm going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it."

"What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety? Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells."

"After the delicious brownies have all been consumed following my funeral, a video of me will inform everyone that they just ate my ashes."

"Did you hear about the war between the blondes and the brunettes? The blondes were throwing hand grenades, and the brunettes were pulling the pins and throwing them back."

"A guy goes to see a psychiatrist He's frantic. He says to the doctor, ""I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'M A WIGWAM, I'M A TEEPEE!"" The doctor says, ""calm down, you're two tents."""

"Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday."