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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!"

"Have you guys seen Stevie Wonder's new concert? Neither has him."

"A far right party wins an election in Germany with 60% of the vote. I did nazi that coming"

"When my husband brags that girls hit on him at work, I just remind him that I make more money than him. We both go to bed happy."

"Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable."

"What do you call a pregnant cow, just after giving birth DeCALFeinated"

"'What other miracles can you do?' Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish?' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite"

"everything happens for a reason and the reason is stupid"

"Why do some people think Python scripting is offensive? Because white space matters. hehee"

"What do you call a society governed by men with no testicles? An anorchy... ...I swear, that one KILLED at the urology convention"