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Joke of the Day

"[2015 Bird Awards] AND THE AWARD FOR GROSSEST NAME GOES TO...HORNED GUAN (Lizard Buzzard quietly puts acceptance speech back in pocket)"

"I almost died today, so naturally my first impulse was to pull my phone out and tweet about it."

"Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money."

"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Still unsure as to whether or not that full stop adds to humorous effect."

"True story: Surgeon: Did someone fart? Silence Surgeon: I need to know if someone farted. I may have perforated bowel. Med student: I farted"

"What does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella for? Fo Drizzle!"

"What did one boob say to the other? We better get some support or people are gonna think we're nuts."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Anatole ! Anatole who ? Anatole me you're a pain in the neck !"

"Sometimes I think my dog is only interested in food, then I realise that's mostly all I'm interested in as well. He's alright."

"TIL something incredibly shocking about Germany's former Chancellor... ...he was **literally** Hitler"