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Joke of the Day

"It must have been very risky for pirates to slightly burn all the edges of their treasure maps and then dip them in tea."

"I keep getting calls telling me that I have outstanding bills... ...and while I appreciate the compliment, they're really nothing special."

"I like my women like I like my vegetables: healthy and steaming hot..No, wait. I mean unconscious and lacking any cognitive function."

"What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog? The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants"

"Parenting styles often relax as you have more kids. For example my 1st born ate only all-natural, organic food. My 2nd eats broken glass."

"You are the pebble in my shoe of people."

"What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks"

"that horrifying moment when a kid asks u to help find his mom bc he was always told if he was lost to ask a grownup & u realize ur a grownup"

"The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I'm married to it."

"believe that the members of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her mouth and get away with it."