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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a slutty housewife? A dirty dishwasher."

"Chopped beef and pea soup What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!"

"So Cher has been told she only has weeks to live... ...if only she could turn back time."

"[buys plastic lightsabers for the kids] 5-year-old daughter: Mine is broken. Me: What's wrong with it? 5: It doesn't even cut off arms."

"And the lord said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"" But john came fifth, and only won a toaster!"

"Al Gore to protest Amy Winehouse funeral... Something that toxic should not be going in the ground!"

"I was running down a street and saw a bloke, I shouted ""Run quick, some lions have escaped from the zoo.""He said ""which way are they heading?"" I replied ""Well, I'm not chasing the fuckers."""

"You're probably naked under all those clothes. You slut."

"""Hey man, the hot girl from class winked at me today!"" ""Really, bro?"" ""Yeah, with both eyes too!"""

"What happens when you plant a sesame seed? Does a sesame grow? What is a sesame? Where my botanists at? Where the hell am I?"