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Joke of the Day

"Why are pills white? because they work"

"It's decided. If I have 3 kids they're getting named ""Bed"" ""Bath"" and ""Beyonce."""

"[job interview] ""any public speaking experience?"" not since the valedictorian speech in high school ""very impressive"" I yelled 'YOU SUCK'"

"*hands cashier $100 bill ""Ya have anything smaller?"" *crumbles up $100 bill and hands it to cashier"

"Did you hear about the whores who ran a bakery? Yeah. Everything there was hoe-made."

"All of your inspirational tweets make me want to track you down and pee on something you love."

"I almost got busted for shoplifting candy today... But I got out of it. I've got a couple of twix up my sleeve."

"What goes in long and hard and comes out soft and wet? A Stick of Gum..."

"Nicki Minaj looks like an unlocked character that you get on the last level of Mortal Kombat."

"No musician has vision impairments All of them should know how to C#"