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Joke of the Day

"I failed my biology exam yesterday The question was: Name something commonly found in cells. Apparently, Niggers wasn't the right answer."

"How many Biebers does it take to change a light bulb? None. There are no light bulbs in the closet. Another one: Why is Justin Bieber so pale? Because there's no light inside the closet"

"I visited my friend in his flat He told me to make myself at home. So I kicked him out. I hate having visitors"

"*Caterpillar marriage therapy* Wife: he's not the man I married Husband flying around room: I'm the same on the inside Karen!!!"

"I like my women like I like my antiques. . . Oriental and fragile."

"Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? A: The knocking always speeds up."

"My son feels about broccoli the way I feel about having to make a phone call."

"Anakin: Want to go out? Padme: Ew. You're 9. Anakin: Padme: Talk to me in a decade when the age gap between us is exactly the same."

"[deathbed] ME: Give me that sword & I'll haunt it when I die SON: I made this [hands me cake] ME: No! [dies] CAKE: [in my voice] God damn it"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Homeless Barbie ...complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart"