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Joke of the Day

"I had to turn off my carbon monoxide detector... ...The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick."

"Take a trip to Japan and wash away your worries!"

"I'm not too concerned about this whole terminal illness deal... My doctor said it should be the last thing I worry about."

"How do you make holy water You stab it with a knife over and over"

"What Is The Difference Between Jews and Pizza Jews scream in the oven. I'm going to hell."

"I like my women like I like my Chinese chemical storage facilities Ready to blow at any minute"

"My niece said I look like a mom. So now we're playing a game, sorta like Hide-N-Seek, except I hide her and no one finds her. Ever."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Why call him? He ain't coming!"

"CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)"

"Q: What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain? A: Stegosaur-rust!"