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Joke of the Day
"Me: nice car Friend: yeah 400 horsepower Me: that's like 7000 ducks Friend: what Me: what"
Next Joke
"What Saudi funded event ended in a massive collapse on 9/11? Hillary Clinton's campaign."
"I bet the inventor of puppets has one hell of a creepy backstory."
"Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well Grandma's very deaf so I'm writing very loudly."
"*stares into the abyss* *abyss pretends it's doing something on its phone*"
"Have you ever done it kitty style? It's like doggy style, but with purring, scratching and biting."
"The best way to get over someone is probably with your vehicle"
"Our local cinema is putting on a screening of the new James Bond film especially for dyslexics. Respect"
"The celibate butcher is pretty successful in his occupations. Nothing beats his meat!"
"It's Earth Day... FUCK Uranus!"