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Joke of the Day

"Our local cinema is putting on a screening of the new James Bond film especially for dyslexics. Respect"

"[during a huddle in a crucial ice hockey match] ME: Ok listen up guys [all the other players look at me] ME: Is....is anyone else cold?"

"90% of my friends have hemorrhoids. The other 10% are perfect ass holes."

"At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator."

"what is donald trump's favourite party game? JINGO!"

"Respond to every ""How was your weekend?"" today by staring off into the distance & whispering ""So much blood..."""

"How do you end a relationship fight? You break it up."

"People ask me, ""Matt, how do you do it?"" , ""Matt, what's your secret?"" , ""Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"""

"I love the smell of my f5 key... It is very refreshing"

"I was checking out a Jewish girl the other day. Her barcode wouldn't scan."