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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician? A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3"

"Most humor is funny, but, Vitreous Humor is in the eye of the beholder."

"[at bar] ""Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year."" Whoa that's impressive! ""I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."""

"The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad. And you said id never amount to anything"

"[traffic stop] Officer: Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *backseat full of penguins* Um, I'm guessing the aquarium called?"

"Technically all breakfasts are continental, unless you eat them in the ocean."

"What do you call a chicken with lettuce in its eyes? Chicken ceaser salad."

"Hypnotist Error"

"Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine? Because he found it to be SUB-standard."

"[job interview] ""Tell me one of your weaknesses"" I can be very stubborn ""Will you please elaborate?"" I will not"