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Joke of the Day

"[traffic stop] Officer: Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *backseat full of penguins* Um, I'm guessing the aquarium called?"

"TIL: Diarrhea is hereditary... It runs in your jeans."

"Awful pick up line Are you my big toe? Because i want to bang you on every piece of furniture."

"I don't mind holding my wife's purse. It's the only time I get to be close to my balls."

"Just found out that 'aaaaarrrrggghhhh' isn't a real word I can't tell you how angry I am"

"What do you call a person who hates fat people? Weighcist"

"An asian with an STD he can't cure is herpress."

"I asked my wife to tell me something that would make me laugh and cry at the same time... Apparently out of all my friends I have the biggest dick."

"A cute girl with brilliance is the best thing in the world that doesn't have cheese on it Wait couldn't I just put the che Mother of god"

"""By night's end, one of these teams will be the victor."" Thank you for that breakdown, Bob Costas. I was worried they might all die instead."