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Joke of the Day

"My first dad joke So, early this morning my wife got up and questioned me after I got up early with our son and fed him. Her: Did you get our son sick? Me: Nope, I got him cereal."

"Wake and bake and bake and bake and bake and bake - really busy pothead chefs daily itinerary"

"If you ever Google ""Gary Oldman"" For fuck sakes don't forget the ""r"" in Gary!!!"

"A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer and a mop."

"What can a cup of coffee and a cow that's had an abortion have in common? They're both de-calf-inated."

"Hey babe , there is a party in my pants! And URINE.................Vited!"

"What do you call someone who impersonates a lousy mom? Bad mother faker."

"Why couldn't the pony speak clearly? He was a little hoarse."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil and paper."

"Want to hear a funny joke? Hold on, I'm just gonna hit snooze once then tell it."