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Joke of the Day
"If you ever Google ""Gary Oldman"" For fuck sakes don't forget the ""r"" in Gary!!!"
Next Joke
"Me: You want to watch a horror movie for Halloween? Dog: Sure, put it on Me: *turns on Dyson vacuum infomercial*"
"For someone who said ""Correct me if I'm wrong..."" you seemed genuinely surprised and upset when I did."
"What do a priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? The both came in a little behind."
"A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg. Apparently the answer is Chicken. (Edit: Typo)"
"What is the best part of Pokemon Go? I can ride my bike indoors and professor oak can't do anything to stop me."
"It isn't until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would've been a better option."
"Some asshole just clogged my toilet"
"So I slept right through the blood moon event this morning, I'm more of a crip moon guy anyway."
"What's the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window."