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Joke of the Day

"Son: ""Mom, Dad, I'm gay."" Mom: *Stares at Dad* Dad: *Clenches fist* Mom: ""Don't!"" Dad: *Sweats Profusely* Mom: ""..."" Dad: ""HI GAY, I'M DAD"" Edit: Yay top of r/jokes, #lifegoals Also formatting"

"There are 10 kinds of people... Those who understand ternary notation, those who don't and those who thought this would be a binary joke. Credits to /u/johnnybenude"

"What happens after an alligator commits a crime? You call an investigator"

"shout out to old people for graduating high school without google"

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just think, there are people out there who don't get to read my tweets."

"What do you call a bus full of lawyers driving off a cliff? [A Good Start.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obKLdou0LH0)"

"Excuse me Sir... But are you a bratwurst? ...you could be the meat between my buns."

"Therapist: Do you have any regrets? Me: Well, this one time Therapist [pinches bridge of nose] Other than buying fat-free salad dressing."

"Trevor: That's a cool pair of stockings you have on Jill. One red and one green. Jill: Yes and I have another pair just like it at home."

"I want to marry the smell of gasoline and have little gasoline smelling kids with it and spend the rest of my days smelling my family."