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Joke of the Day

"*jumps out of plane* *begins reading parachute instruction manual* STEP 1: PUT ON PARACHUTE *looks up* Well hell"

"What is the difference between a politician and a mortician? A Mortician waits until after you're dead to fuck you."

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... ... and doesn't"

"Sorry I embarrassed you when I tried to draft Smaug, but I totally misunderstood the concept of a Fantasy football league."

"Contrary to popular belief, it's actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress"

"Santa at an interview in an IT Company. Manager: Do you know MS Office? Santa: If you give me the address, I will go there sir."

"What is the origin of black jewish people? The oven."

"I saw this incredible color in a dream, But it was just a pigment of my imagination."

"The freebie-jeebies That feeling you get when someone creepy buys you a drink without asking."

"What does NAACP stand for? National Association of Apes Called People."