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Joke of the Day

"Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts? He found his lack of Faith disturbing."

"First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely."

"Can we just make serving unsalted french fries a federal offense?"

"Why will people click on any link with sperm or eggs in the headline? Hey, sex cells."

"SNL contacted me about being a writer, and I was like ""Pfft. I got my own gig"" and they were like ""BEEP BEEP BEEP"" because my alarm went off"

"Boyfriend: You know you can..... Boyfriend: You know you can be a real bitch. Girlfriend: I have been called worse. Boyfriend: Like what? Girlfriend: Your girlfriend!"

"What group would an obese racist join? The cake-cake-cake."

"Where does an elephant carry its laptop? In its trunk."

"Obama played the race card, Hillary played the gender card But America played the Trump Card"

"Zen master: Do you possess the Buddha nature? Me: Well, I've spent 49 days under a tree. But that was just laziness."