206042

Joke of the Day

"First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely."

"A lifetime supply of McDonalds is actually pretty short"

"Someone asked me if I was more indecisive or anti-climactic. I guess if I had to choose...I'd definitely say I'm one or the other."

"Did you hear that Elon Musk announced plans for a restaurant on the moon? He said we can count on good food but no atmosphere."

"97% of the women who are in ""open relationships"" are also ""completely unaware that they are in an open relationship."""

"MAMA DUCK, BABY DUCK Q: What did did the mother duck say to her duckling? A: ""If you don't behave, I'm gonna quack you one."""

"if men fall asleep directly after sex . . . why is it so hard to catch a rapist? -Jimmy Carr p.s. never high five a rabbi"

"We all have that one singing coworker that makes you want to test your throat grip."

"Ladies: this giant sunglasses shit needs to stop. I can't tell you how pretty you are when you have a goddamn Millennium Falcon on each eye."

"""Toilet joke * Dirty ""Toilet joke"" [Dirty] if it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown let it drown if it's red.... you could of spread?"