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Joke of the Day
"Heard someone died from eating a meal that wasn't Instagrammed."
Next Joke
"I like my women like I like my M.C. Escher paintings Impossibly proportioned"
"People don't realize how hard it is to write stupid things on a regular basis."
"Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on. The more it hurts."
"Eventually you're going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities"
"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? YOU WANNA GO RIDE BIKES??"
"I hate all these posts They're so last year"
"I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn't reach the cookies in the cupboard."
"How do you organize a space party? You planet"
"How did the dungeon keeper plan for retirement? Collecting stocks and bonds."