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Joke of the Day

"[date] Me: *ok don't let her know I'm a bull* Her: ""so what are some red flags for you?"" Me: *sweating* ""haha red flags? Where?"""

"""want to go grab some dinner?"" *lights cat on fire* sorry I can't my cats on fire"

"""If anyone knows a reason why these two should not marry, speak n-"" SHE ONCE COMMENTED 'FIRST' ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO *ring bearer vomits*"

"*checks watch* *gets up off toilet* I don't have time for this shit"

"Perfection ""Practice makes perfect"" ""Nobody's perfect"" I'm so confused"

"What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers? You can't milk a cow for 15 years."

"I took my family out to an authentic Vietnamese place. My wife and I had pho. The kids sewed Nikes for 14 hours and were beaten. Great pho."

"When I was younger, I was so stupid, I made bad decisions that will haunt me for the rest of my life. And by ""younger"" I mean yesterday."

"A math teacher ask his students, ""What is 5Q + 5Q?"" The class responds, ""10Q."" The teacher responds, ""You're welcome/"""

"Next on CNN, 600 hours of guessing what happened to a plane."