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Joke of the Day

"A man gets a quote tattooed on his dick. He goes home to his wife who says, ""stop trying to put words in my mouth!"""

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants The bartender ask, ""Doesn't that bother you?"" The pirate says,""Arrrgh, it's driving me nuts"""

"Women are like pizza... They're better hot, but still good when they are cold."

"Him: I'll pay for dinner. Me: I want to pay. Him: I'll feel better if you let me pay. Me: Well, if your health is involved, go ahead..."

"Why can't you see elephants hiding in trees? ...because they are hiding"

"I don't think Twitter's real. I think I'm in a mall in 1987 listening to ""I Think We're Alone Now"" & my mind invented Twitter to protect me."

"What did the blind man say to his old friend? Ayy, long time no see!"

"How many dwarves does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; one to hold the bulb and the other to serve him beer until the room starts spinning."

"Did you hear about the man who got his entire left side cut off? Don't worry, he's allright now."

"What do you call a leper in a hot tub? Soup"