3059

Joke of the Day

"I had a difficult childhood... I was brought up by a couple of alcoholics. I called them my Foster's parents."

"Can't sleep. Too excited for Arbor Day."

"Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we're not looking?"

"For those possibly wondering why the popularity of the emo movement disappeared If your social group is defined by a suicidal nature, don't expect it to last a long time"

"My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman Which finally gave us something in common."

"What does a dog do that you step in? Pants."

"Why did the crab take the last slice of pizza? Because he's shellfish!"

"What is censorship? [removed]"

"What do you call a professional violinist when they're young? A kiddie fiddler."

"I was on a date last night and the girl said my breath smells like fire. I said, ""yeah, I ate my mixtape."""