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Joke of the Day

"What does a dog do that you step in? Pants."

"Jack LaLanne died two years ago and he's still in better shape than I am."

"How about a baseball cap that says ""BALD"", so you can cover your gross bald head, but when you take it off no one is surprised/disappointed?"

"How Do You Make Spider-Man Cry? Cook him some Uncle Ben's"

"i love how flies rub their hands together like little criminals"

"Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with a car, Throw you off a street so high, Hope you break your neck and die."

"Just snipped off a toddler's faux-hawk while his mom was in the bathroom at Starbucks, because I give a shit about the future."

"I hate people who don't know the difference between ""your"" and ""you're"" There so stupid"

"[pirate ship] Pirate: Walk the plank Me: *struts down like nobody's business* Pirate: wait come back that was awesome you're one of us now"

"What do you call a vampire that drinks period blood? Cunt Dracula."