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Joke of the Day

"I'm taking a 10-hour drive tomorrow and I'm worried about where I'll be pooping. What? No. I don't want to supersize. Aren't you listening?"

"I like my women like I like my coffee I don't like coffee."

"What is important in relationships? Reflexivity and transitivity."

"A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except... the doctor said he was a little cockeyed."

"TIFU by falling asleep on the john at noon. I meant Job. I fell asleep on the Job. :D :D"

"After I die, I want someone to periodically log in as me so it looks like I'm haunting Facebook."

"1886: We invented a car! 1903: We invented a plane! 1969: We went to the moon! ... ... ... ... ... ... 2015: Taco Emoji!"

"One of the worst things about being deaf has to be the inability to tell whether people are yawning or screaming..."

"Hey baby I put the sex, in dyslexic ;)"

"What is it called when a Sailor in the Navy gets a care package from home? Underwear Replenishment"