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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between illegal and unlawful? One is against the law and the other is a sick bird"

"Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel"

"I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile Which is a pretty big word for a 9 year old"

"You know what I get off on? Subway platforms."

"Witch: Doctor doctor I don't feel well. Doctor: Don't worry you'll just have to go to bed for a spell."

"What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brians."

"[Spelling Bee] Judge: Your word is 'babe' Bee: B-A-E J: Sorry. There's another 'B' Bee: WHAT! WHERE? *goes crazy* *stings Judge* *dies*"

"Who was the roundest knight in King Arthur's court? Circumference."

"Which aardvark holds the speed record? The nearsighted aardvark who wrapped his tongue around a motorcycle!"