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Joke of the Day

"I met a girl last night at a bar... She said she wanted the night to be magical... So i fucked her and disappeared."

"[meets a cute girl from Scotland] ""Ummm hi your people make fantastic tape"""

"I almost died trying to brush my teeth with my left hand."

"PREGNANT CASHIER: Have a great day ME: Thanks, have a great baby"

"*drives motorized scooter into meeting I'm late for, around the conference table, and out the door*"

"Sometimes when I type my brother smashes my keyboard. But luckily it doesn't happen ofteklansiurbkjgnv hgaikuwh GI;OOR;KGHKJh klwhkjalhdhakjshdilBILWU HP KJn kjlgn"

"Fun bible fact: No records exist of Jesus' life from age 12 to 30 because he was backpacking across Europe with his pet Pterodactyl"

"whats the difference between a woman and a computer ? A woman has no use for a 3 1/2"" inch floppy."

"What did the guy Zebra say to the girl Zebra? Take ze bra off."

"My wife has been in the bathroom for almost 25 minutes. Im basically a single dad now"