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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when Hulk holds the American Flag? The Star Spangled Banner!"

"Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law"

"I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That really stings ... I'm like the one thing she could get rid of."

"My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp, I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again."

"I just sold adderal to a guy who thinks its viagra! Ahh, he'll thank me later."

"Don't cry over spilled milk. And broken eggs. And a violated ham. And-FINE, I'LL LEAVE. This isn't the only grocery store in town, you know."

"What's blue, small and sits in a corner? A baby with its hand in the power socket."

"My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the ""what is this shit"" look."

"What do you call a Jewish vampire? Nosferajew!"

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change."