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Joke of the Day

"Her: Oh no, I've lost my jacket.. Me: *appears from the shadows* (whispers) you left it at the restaurant *slinks back into the shadows*"

"If you get a text from me that ends in a stream of emojis, my mother has stolen my phone DO NOT ENGAGE"

"Why is the African Justice System so flawed? Because there's too many *hung* juries."

"Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do"

"Why does a space rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little meteor."

"Her: Do you consider yourself broadminded? Me: All I ever think about are broads... so I'll have to go with a yes on this one."

"two kids were arrested.. Two kids were arrested, one was eating fireworks and the other one was drinking battery acid. one got charged and the other got let off."

"I don't mind when a waitress says, ""Is Pepsi fine?"" when I ask for some coke. But when my drug dealer says it, it's kind of annoying"

"It was time to show my girlfriend how i really feel.. so i showed her my hands.."

"What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on juan"