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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a clever pig? Cunningham"

"Moms get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum..."

"Went to a meeting for cat addicts last night. More nuns than I expected."

"TIFU By standing in for a sick teacher in the wrong classroom whoops, wrong sub."

"How do you fit 6 million Jews into a car? Send them to clown school."

"I'm pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites' heroin addiction."

"I had pamphlets printed up for when someone asks what's wrong with me."

"Girl you must be a freezer, because I want to put a dead clown in you."

"Before you go to sleep tonight, don't forget to sprinkle gluten around your bed to keep away the hipsters."

"Bears can swim, climb trees, and open doors. Why aren't there ""BEWARE OF BEARS"" signs posted fucking everywhere?!"