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Joke of the Day
"I had pamphlets printed up for when someone asks what's wrong with me."
Next Joke
"A Girl once asked me how I view Lesbian relationships... I told her ""In HD"". Apparently that was not the right answer"
"[wife frantically searching the house] Have you seen the kids, I've looked everywhere [me napping on couch] OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS"
"Grim Reaper: I'm here for the sole! Waiter: *whimpering* omg can I... can I say bye to my family? Grim Reaper: uh, no, the fish special."
"I think calling them maggots is insensitive... they should be referred to as larvasexuals."
"conjunctivitis.com Now that's a sight for sore eyes."
"Whale: Hey did you hear I have a new girlfriend? She's aaall over me it's crazy. Eel: For the last time barnacles don't count as girlfriends"
"What do you get when you cross a stoner with a halo nerd? Masterchief"
"Why is marriage like thin toilet paper? Because you end up with a ring on your finger."
"I bought my wife a pair of shoes and a dildo. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself. (Shamelessly stolen from Craig Ferguson)"