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Joke of the Day

"I hope my car appreciates the wincing when I hit a large pothole."

"What do you get if you cross human and goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo"

"R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)"

"Doctor I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!"

"I just called the suicide hotline AND THEY DON'T THINK RUNNING OUT OF MAPLE SYRUP WHILE I'M EATING PANCAKES IS A REASON TO KILL MYSELFFFF!!!"

"My wife removed the ""G"" key from our keyboard at home so I could appreciate the frustration associated with not hitting the spot."

"You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they're probably a cab driver."

"My boyfriend just texted me, ""We need to talk."" I think he's going to propose!"

"They call me the human Hoyer lift... because I'm good at picking up fat chicks."

"It would be terrifying if Elizabeth I were alive today... ... Because she's dead. Note: Credit goes to my dryly-sarcastic history professor."