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Joke of the Day

"A crowd started gathering around the car accident with the bagpiper... Twas so unfortunate he was kilt."

"Why won't the holocaust survivor vote for Bernie Sanders? He doesn't want to feel the Bern."

"Which number confuses people? 82"

"Q: What holds the moon up? A: Moonbeams."

"For tentative people there's no place like ""erm""."

"Rent in the city is getting ridiculous. I pay $775 to live in a barista's beard. I have 3 roommates."

"Sorry I can't go out. My phone is too old to hold enough charge so I live by this outlet now."

"You are what you eat... ...said one squirrel to another. The other said in disbelief, ""You're nuts."""

"What did they call the sad little fish poop with no father? A bass turd."

"I'll do almost anything to lose weight. But exercising and eating properly is where I draw the line."