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Joke of the Day

"When my wife asks me to do that one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she's talking about vacuuming."

"Where's the best place to find a dog with no legs? Where you left it"

"What do you call a black person with a PHD? A Doctor you racist!"

"Time is not wasted, when your wasted all the time"" ~Benjamin Franklin (I think.)"

"How come when animals have sex at the zoo it's ""educational"" But when I have sex it's ""immoral"" and ""illegal"""

"Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money furs and diamonds."

"My girlfriend is like -100. She's a 10 but she is also imaginary"

"Tornado warnings outside. Good thing I got drunk enough to fight a tornado or else we'd be screwed."

"How do you know Little Miss Muffet was a bodybuilder? She was always eating her curds and whey."

"For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis."