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Joke of the Day

"How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be very good to get people's attention."

"Would you rather have a threesome or dinner with your parents? Personally, I choose dinner with parents. I mean if I'm gonna disappoint two people at once, I at least want it to be two people I know."

"So a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer Killer: ""Turn down that dark road."" Rapist: ""I was planning on it..."" Edit - Thank you magnificent stranger for gold!"

"[snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?"

"How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from."

"Have you heard about... Alex Trebex? His job is in jeopardy."

"When your friends start with the Dead Baby jokes, hit them with this (NSFW): How do you blend a baby? Feet first so you can cum in its mouth as it screams."

"Did you hear Lorain Labbobit died in a car accident last week? Some dick cut her off!"

"Father's Day is the day my wife gets on all fours and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her. I usually lay back and use her as an ottoman."

"I'm more likely to wear a donut on my wrist than any fitness tracker."