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Joke of the Day

"How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from."

"My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I'm done."

"Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight space cow preventing other cows from clearing the moon. Goodnight ketamine."

"[Mon] Boss: Let's talk about your clothes Adam: But it's my best leaf B: You need officewear A: Understood [Tues] B: Is that a sticky note?"

"Mom said I should only date ""a good man"" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW."

"Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie"

"Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are showing up."

"What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like? Depends."

"Two peanuts were walking down the road... One was assaulted"

"What do you call an anticlimactic punchline? ""This is an actual question"""