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Joke of the Day

"It's ironic that Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet."

"I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro"

"What did the blonde name her pet Zebra? Spot"

"Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Would you like a beer?"" Descartes says, ""I think not,"" and vanishes."

"I suspect that my cat has plans to kill me, but has just never been awake long enough to carry them out. Advantage: human."

"I like my women like I like my coffee I don't like coffee"

"Kim jong un is sick... Kim Jong Un is sick. I guess you could say he's now Kim Jong ill."

"How can you tell if you're Canadian (Italian joke) Go to a cliff and yell ""Mangia"". If your echo says "" cake""...."

"Annoy your wife by saying ""wow"" every time a chick gets out of the limo on The Bachelor."

"I was going to smoke a joint with some Mexicans But when I asked if anyone had papers, they all ran off."