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Joke of the Day

"What's a police officers favorite console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D"

"[at heaven's gate] God: Tell me why I should let u in Me: I've never made anyone look at my baby's ultrasound pic God: You can have my bed"

"What kind of photograph does Arnold Schwarzenegger take? Polaroids."

"Everyone wants a bigger house until you have to dust Now I'm dreaming of a one room shanty inside a bubble"

"If I ever kill someone I'm dumping the body in a cemetery. Police will find it and be like ""oh yeah this makes sense."""

"My computer crashed. Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening."

"I'm so upset- I threw a bukkake party last night, but it was a complete disaster. Nobody came."

"What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ""K"" instead of ""OK""?"

"My brother's a professional boxer. Heavyweight ? No featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !"

"A black kid comes home from school.... ""Yo mom guess what I got the biggest dick in the third grade! Is it cus I'm black?"" ""No nigga its cus you nineteen!"""