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Joke of the Day
"Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like 'responsibility'"
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"""One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider."""
"I haven't drawn in so long that I'm feeling sketchy"
"Putting a selfie on the top of your Christmas tree... ...because you're such a f**king star!"
"Ive never seen a pregnant Chinese lady."
"Two guys stole a calendar They both got six months"
"LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun"
"What does an elderly Mexican have? Senority"
"wife: I was saving that me [eating bacon] It expires today *wife checks package* *sees I crossed out the date and wrote ""today""*"
"""You're in no position to be making demands."" [does a handstand] ""Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation."" ""Fair enough."