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Joke of the Day

"""You're in no position to be making demands."" [does a handstand] ""Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation."" ""Fair enough."

"What did the Hot Dog say to the Cucumber? My brothers may have been eaten to death, but hey it was over quicker than your midnight insertion ""fun""."

"Why don't lesbians cook? They rather eat out."

"White people will swim with sharks, wrestle with alligators, and sleep with tigers.... ....but get nervous when a person of color walks by. Sounds about white."

"On dating sites, some of the options for 'body type' should be, 'Vending machine', 'deformed walrus' and 'pudding in garbage bag'."

"I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around."

"Why I don't watch science documentaries with my mum. Man on TV: Microwaves travel at the speed of light Mum: Fuck me, that's impressive. Microwaves are heavy."

"Why did the ghost go into rehab? He had a problem with boos."

"How did ISIS do on their French exam? They bombed it..."

"I'm vegan until my next paycheck."