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Joke of the Day

"I came in second at a Monica Lewinsky look alike competition. . . . . . the judge said I was close, but no cigar."

"I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. We were at a bar tonight and people kept giving us dirty looks. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... No Penis"

"So this bloke said to me... He said "" I once got my dog to bring back a stick thrown 100 miles away"". I said ""that's a bit far-fetched"""

"What do you say to a midget that is a hooker? You must be this tall to ride."

"I changed my old pocket camera into a new Canon 5D because it's a little lighter... but then again it sucks as a camera."

"The new strip club's sign said 'open to the public'. Until my friends stole the L."

"The purpose of Terrorism is to scare and make people feel unsafe, which is something it has in common with Cable News."

"What's the difference between having sex on two twin beds pushed together and Reganomics? You get fucked and fall through the cracks."

"If I were God I would say I'm going to fill the ocean with water but when the Subway employee wasn't looking fill it with Sprite instead."