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Joke of the Day
"A mosquito landed on my wife's face... Easiest decision of my life."
Next Joke
"[Calculus Joke] Why didn't the derivative of sec(x) go to the beach? Because secant tan"
"officer it's my son's car ""just make it stop sir"" I don't know how ""can you call him"" I'll try *tries to dial while car bounces up and down*"
"My dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that's how he lost his job in disaster relief."
"""Say hello to my knitted friend!"" -Scarfface"
"At my mom's house. Just asked if we could record Dateline and she said she doesn't have a blank VHS tape and now my left arm is numb."
"What is the height of slime? A jellyfish having a wank in a bowl of snot."
"Meek Mill's response"
"My friend is a midget... I hold it over her head literally all the time."
"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender, confusing idioms with jokes, offers the horse water but cannot make it drink."