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Joke of the Day

"What kind of bear dissolves in water? A polar bear."

"I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight""I got extra."

"A cup of coffee just walked up to my girlfriend and called her a 'whore'. I didn't even react. I think my caffeine tolerance is too high"

"Why did jesus take 3 days to resurrect? He got hammered with his buddies."

"What did the DJ order from the deli? A club sandwich with extra beets."

"What do you call a boner you don't want? A groaner."

"My dad was cutting up onions and I started tearing up. Onions was a great dog. :'("

"the devil has a tape recorder containing the sounds you made when you sang aloud with a group but didn't actually know the words"

"After seeing your latest selfie ... And knowing what you look like in real life.... I'd like to hire you for your photoshopping abilities."

"Uh oh, someone is heading this way and it looks like they want to talk to me *flops to the ground like a toy in Toy Story*"