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Joke of the Day

"I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight""I got extra."

"I pushed the happy button... ...I just made it depressed."

"What so you call an Asian jew? Jew Lee"

"Hacked again! Sometimes I wish I never grew up on 12,345,678th Street with a dog named Password."

"Comcast's Customer Service ba dum tsss"

"I heard they're selling heart-burns that only take two minutes to cook now! I think they were called, Hot-pockets?"

"What's the main ingredient in mana potions? Caster sugar."

"You say lonely I say home alone with an opportunity to masturbate"

"Once you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall"

"They say physicists like to work with harmonic oscillation because it's the only problem they can solve. That's not exactly true, but it is a good approximation."