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Joke of the Day

"I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight""I got extra."

"What happens when the Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises."

"Do you know how I got out of Iraq? Iran"

"I used to have a problem choking on my food all the time Now I only eat cheerios and life savers"

"Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler."

"My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company..."

"A chicken walks into a bar and clucks at the bartender. The bartender says, ""No fowl language allowed"""

"What do you call a 2 with a fat ass? A 3"

"My telethon to raise money for starving children in Africa was a huge flop. I didn't know the TV added 10 pounds. Those kids looked fine. :("

"Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ? Pupil: 12 - 2nd January 2nd February...!"