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Joke of the Day
"Shoutout to sidewalks! For keeping me off the streets..."
Next Joke
"When there's still peanut butter on the knife after a dishwasher run, I just put it in the drawer because that peanut butter is clean."
"wife *resting after surgery* me wife me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said ""Get Well Soon"""
"*orders a medium pizza* *opens box* PIZZA: I've contacted your late grandmother. She wants you to know- *eats pizza*"
"I need the ""Viewer Discretion Advised"" voice to narrate my life."
"I just started giving a chicken and an egg handjobs. I will let you know."
"Photographing Bigfoot is... no small feat."
"My teenage son Filbert was ejected from the Young Republicans for naming his pet lizard Bernie Salamanders. You bet your buns he's grounded."
"The world can be separated into two types of people. Those who listen to all genres of music except country... ...and fucking rednecks"
"Europeans use euros shouldn't Africans use afros?"