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Joke of the Day

"Saw my neighbor jogging at 1 am. ""It's a little late for you isn't it?"" I said. ""I couldn't sleep,"" he replied. ""That's not what I meant you fat fuck."""

"Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken."

"What did the lunatic vacuum cleaner salesman say to his son before murdering him? Dyson."

"A dad walks into a room seeing his daughter masterbating with a cucumber. He said: ""I was gonna eat that, now it taste like cucumber"""

"I've had my heart broken before, but I got back up on that horse and said ""C'mon, can't we give us one more chance? Stomp once for yes."""

"What do you call a bra designed for neutrois? Ze-bra"

"Starve a cold. Feed a fever. Humiliate a rash. Flatter a migraine. Friendzone diarrhea. Date cramps. Bring anxiety home to meet the family."

"What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart? A tutor."

"[speaking at an AA meeting] Me: You'll find the transition from hard liquor to hard drugs expensive, but very rewarding *everyone cheers*"

"A Chess Shop A man walks into a chess shop, and going over to the small asian manager, he asks if he can purchase a piece. The manager says, ""Oh sure. Take a rook."""