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Joke of the Day

"Saw my neighbor jogging at 1 am. ""It's a little late for you isn't it?"" I said. ""I couldn't sleep,"" he replied. ""That's not what I meant you fat fuck."""

"My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my fucking eye out."

"There are 2 types of people in the world... Those who can extrapolate conclusions from incomplete data..."

"Sir, on a scale, How much do you weigh?"

"I would tell you the one about the broken pencil. But there's no point to it."

"How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They rearranged the living room furniture."

"I went to the doctor today and he told me I have a big dick and a small heart... He also told me I was dyslexic."

"This baby at McDonalds may have started the screaming competition, but I guarantee I'm going to win it."

"What do you call a retarded psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at-large!"

"What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry? STUPID AMERICAN!"