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Joke of the Day

"What is Mary short for? She has no legs"

"My comedian alias would be The Carcinogin My jokes give people cancer"

"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend I put a dollar in a jar. On Valentine's Day I use what I saved to buy a gift for her."

"I have AIDS and Alzheimer's Thank goodness I don't have AIDS"

"You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally. Do it when you are offered food"

"My friend gave me an epipen in his last moments He printed it himself and it seemed very important to hi- wait why did the cops just pull up in front of the house"

"Mr friend broke her hand today :( But on the other hand she's okay :)!"

"Thought of this while making breakfast. What did the microbiologist bring to the art fair? A cup of yogurt."

"I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you."

"HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR LIFE: Whisper ""You should have killed me when you had the chance"" to the person in the bathroom stall next to you."