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Joke of the Day
"I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you."
Next Joke
"There were two muffins in an oven... One muffin said to the other, ""Boy, it's sure hot in here!"" The other muffin screamed ""AHHHH!!! A talking muffin!!!!!!!"""
"What do you call hiding in a Michael Bay movie? Kabamouflage"
"Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted Wife: Ya? Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works Her:.. Me: No way a baby's gettin in here."
"What is it called when a duck kills another duck? Quack on quack crime."
"In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of some phony gods blessing, but because I am enlightened by my... KNAWLEDGE"
"Jesus dies for our sins? No, no, no... He died for YOUR sins. I haven't touched a goat inappropriately since third grade."
"I'm modest, so when it comes to sex I don't like to toot my own horn"
"I wonder if they have WiFi in Hell..."
"Everybody just wants to get off... ....This elevator because that guy stinks"